LUSU Executive, you ain’t so big
The Argus Staff
The ballots have been cast, counted, and collected, and the new LUSU executive has been decided. Now is the time to sit back, congratulate everyone on campaigns well run, and, of course, give out awards that are vaguely insulting. Hit it.
The Twilight Award
Dan Zeleny
Dan promised to infuse LUSU with new blood as part of his platform, but there was so much talk of blood that it drew the suspicions of some. Also: it was noted that, at the All Candidates Debate, Zeleny had to be invited into the room before he could enter.
The Charizard award
Mike Snoddon
Over his university career, Mike has evolved from a LUSU receptionist to an R.A. to a member of the Board of Directors, and it seems that he’s reached his final stage of evolution, gaining the popular vote and becoming the LUSU President. On the down side, his agility and speed stats have gone way down.
The Pigmaleon Award
Josh Kolic
It is said that being president ages a person at an advanced rate, and this can certainly be applied to the vice presidency of Josh Kolic. Though he only held the position of VP-Finance since late September, Josh has aged from a baggy Che Guevara t-shirt-wearing, flat cap-topped radio DJ to the high school teacher who tells his students that “Mister Kolic is my father,” if his fashion sense is any indication. Is his girlfriend dressing him, or is it his mom.
The Big Brother Award
Chris Valliant
While some would see campaigning from a satellite campus far from the main university to be a handicap, Chris was able to make effective use of teleconferencing to keep an eye on the students; and though some may be somewhat fearful of these tactics, The Argus is completely fine with it, sir, and is thinking only of service in your benevolent name… his name.
The Gentleman Giant Award
Jay Stapleton
Jay is both a fighter and a lover, a poet and a wrecking ball, a gentle soul and a booming voice. The only campaigning person to speak from the diaphragm, his words were slow, smooth, and considered, like the saxophone styling’s of an old blind man.
Creepiest/Most Epic Campaign Poster Award
Edward Paddock
Look, we’re not saying that Edward’s posters kept any of us up at night, fearful to sleep lest we were to awake to see a single massive Paddock-y eyeball staring into the depths of our soul. No, wait. Wait. That is exactly what we’re saying.
The “I’m Friends with Jay” Award
Sara Mackie
We would elaborate more on why Sara got this award, but honestly, we don’t know all that much about her. She seems really nice? She wears a lot of earth tones? See, this is what happens when your two running mates are talkative giants.
The Mr. Rogers Award
Neva Bassingthwaite
The Multicultural Centre happens to share a hallway with The Argus, and more importantly, a grate which is used for speaking, shouting, and generally annoying one another through. Now that Neva, coordinator of the MCC, is in power, we’re both saddened that we’ll have to irritate someone else next year, and a little concerned that she may use some of the things that she couldn’t help but overhear us saying against us. Best neighbour ever. “Won’t you be, won’t you be our neighbour?!”