Lyle Morissette
Sports Editor

This week: Crashing down from a pedestal and into prison.

NBA’s Alvin Roberson’s recent arrest for alleged sex trafficking provides yet another example of pure stupidity at the hands of an athlete. Just another hint of the extra-curricular businesses and ventures countless other knucklehead athletes seemingly have, and do quite well in keeping guarded and secretive—for a while. If Michael Vick’s situation didn’t scare the many athletes who may be involved in criminal activities on the side, clearly nothing will.
Nevertheless, Robertson’s situation is surprising, but not completely unexpected. He has a long rap sheet of domestic abuse and jail time.
In 2007, he was arrested on the basis of a variety of charges related to domestic violence. And in 1997, he pleaded no contest to four misdemeanor charges of abusing a former girlfriend and served a year in prison. He also, in 1990, served a month for beating his wife. Even with that kind of history this charge came somewhat out of nowhere. The complete laundry list of charges against him includes: sexual assault of a child, trafficking an underage child for purposes of sex and forcing a sexual performance by a child. That’s just disgusting, and if found guilty, he should be put behind bars for a lengthy period of time without a chance for parole. As such, it is a deservingly dark day for the former Toronto Raptor—who scored the first points in team history—that keeps getting darker. Rumours have been bandied about claiming he was part of a larger kidnapping ring. Thankfully, the girl in question escaped and was able to contact police; seven people have been apprehended, including Robertson’s girlfriend.
So, the question is: who is the next to fall from their pedestal, revealing their “real” person behind the mask, and what type of other ludicrous and inhumane acts of business are going on behind closed doors, being financed, or even carried out by professional athletes? These multi-millionaires should know better by now, and are clearly very idiotic in risking so much. What they must do is assess—and get rid of—the things they consider company, friends, or business partners, and they should surround themselves with people who can point them in the right direction. Poor judgment aside, we all have big decisions to make in life, and some athletes are clearly taking the route that should be less—or not at all—travelled on too many occasions. Some people never learn.

What would it look like: maybe Hulk crossed with Captain America, crossed with Wolverine

Lyle Morissette
Sports Editor

It’s quite elementary, as Sherlock Holmes would say, for any fan to identify what portion of the human body is crucial for excelling at their sport of choice. It is also common—albeit not admitted—that many admire the bodies of the world’s top athletes and use them as the benchmark for their training goals. So in that vein, what would the body of the prototypical super-athlete look like? The break down might go a little something like this (from top to bottom):

Shoulders: gymnast
Swinging along bars—and sometimes only on them— balancing on beams, landing handsprings, and hurling their bodies around rings and over pommel horses builds enormous size and strength all by itself and makes the shoulders an important apparatus of function for the common gymnast.

Chest: bodybuilder
No argument or rebuttal necessary here. Clearly anybody who has ever seen a bodybuilder would say that they have “chests of gold” and that—despite possible steroid use and ill side-effects—bodybuilders have the most coveted chests that are not operated on (wink wink). Rock solid and built to withstand anything, the chest of many a bodybuilder has been captured and enshrined in monument form. The “Governator” of California instantly comes to mind.

Back: rower
They sit backwards and use their back and upper bodies as the be-all-end all to success, so how could they not have the ideal back for the prototypical athlete. Often when you see a rower, you see a v-shaped torso built in equal proportion to withstand bouts of endurance that they need to prepare for. They may not have the largest backs, but they do indeed have one of the most efficient.

Arms: football player
Tackling fools and stiff-arming opponents are two big reasons why football stars have huge and fear inducing biceps. The other reason: intimidation. If you have small arms to go along with those huge shoulder pads and helmet, you will look like a drawn caricature that belongs in a cartoon. And in a sport dependant on sheer strength and agility, a pair of well developed arms go a long way to earning that big paycheck.

Midsection: boxer
For one, they fight with their shirts off and having a well toned six-pack can do nothing but increase one’s confidence. Two, they can intimidate one’s opponent and get them to thinking, “maybe I should hit somewhere else because punches to the abs won’t get me anywhere”. And this is why you will often never see a boxer without a chiseled pair of abdominal muscles. They are simply a must for an athlete who must withstand a barrage of punches to the gut.

Thighs/quads: Olympic speed-skater
The recent Winter Olympic games should surely justify this: the size of some of the thighs and quads on these skaters are often the size of the torso of the very same athlete. Leg power is everything in this sport and these skaters have the “goods” to prove it.

Calves: basketball player
In a sort predicated on running and jumping and cutting and running and jumping and cutting…catch the drift, a pair of sturdy calves are a must. It’s not a coincidence that often when a basketball player tears of destroys any muscle in his calves—or legs of that matter—that their careers are often over, or they simply drift into the has-been crowd.

Hands: hockey player
Wrist shots, slap shots, tripping, slashing, high-sticking. What brings all these to fruition? The excellent hands of a hockey player. Any fan can attest to the fact that a hockey players lasting potential truly lies in the skill set that they exhibit with their hands.

Feet: soccer player
In a game primarily and solely dependent upon foot skill, it is not surprising that the feet of a soccer player would be ideal for the prototypical super-athlete. Kicking, running, coordination, and durability, all these factors are of upmost importance to a soccer player and their feet are their ticket to glory and money.

Head: tennis player
This one is completely irrelevant to the overall purpose, but with headbands, hats, beanies and the like all being allowed in tennis, why would the super-athlete not want to flaunt a little and sport some stylish head gear or a non-uniform getup.

So there it is, the prototypical super-athlete. Now who wants to build it?

The weekly assemble of who is hot, mad and just down on their luck

Lyle Morissette
Sports Editor

The Good
David Sills: Talk about securing your future early. This 13-year wunderkind quarterback from Delaware recently made a verbal commitment to USC to suit up at QB in 2015. Scouting of athletes and commitment at such a young age is unheard of in college football and seems like quite a stretch on USC’s end, as projecting such a young athlete’s potential seems quite premature and unfounded. Yet, it’s certainly hard to fault Sills’ decision, USC is a top school after all, and its football program always competes for national championships. If the deal carries through, it may have just set a new benchmark in the way—and the target age groups—future scouting practices are carried out.
The Mad
“The Trade”: Two “lifer” Red Sox fans, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, are considering starring in a movie about the time Yankees pitchers Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich famously swapped wives in the 1970s. An enigma it certainly is, Red Sox fans playing Yankees players, what is the world coming to? With Affleck attached to direct and potentially star in the film, it’s hard not to believe this’ll tank, as his acting chops have not been up to snuff as of late. But with “Jason Bourne” also attached, it may just succeed. Regardless, it’s hard to fathom two Red Sox fans frolicking on set in pinstripes and not mocking them. Yet again, a sports movie about ludicrous sports sex may just become a huge hit with the recent sports climate.
The Downtrodden

Portsmouth (EPL): This English Premier League soccer team became the first of a likely many bankrupt teams in the financially troubled league this past week. The team filed for bankruptcy protection from its creditors in hopes of enabling itself to restructure financially after it was unable to clear debts of around $105 million. If that wasn’t enough, Portsmouth is the bottom club in the world’s richest league and has gone through four different owners this season alone. Despite this, the club will continue to operate and is more likely than not headed toward relegation to the second-tier league. The demotion will ultimately hinder their opportunities to cash in on big-ticket games against giants like Manchester United and Chelsea. Furthermore, their players seem in jeopardy. In addition to seeking to sell at the least one or two stars in hopes of pulling in anywhere between $15 and $20 million to finance a parachute payment, wages throughout the organization will also be slashed. Dark and gloomy days are certainly ahead for the former English Cup winners.

Photo by Cole Breiland

Men’s hockey team sweeps past Western to earn OUA Championship birth and hosting duties

Lyle Morissette
Sports Editor

With the Cavendish Cup just weeks away, the ‘Wolves wanted to keep the momentum going into the National Finals, and what better way to do that than to keep sharp by staying on the ice and handily dishing out beatings along the way. And while they are at it, why not pick up a little hardware as a prize.
During this season’s OUA playoffs, the obstacles that the ‘Wolves have thus far faced have resembled speed bumps, not mountains; last week’s OUA West Division finals series against rivals the Western Mustangs proved to be no different—too much bewilderment. The Wolves easily swept the three-game series two games to nothing and now find themselves on the doorstep of winning the OUA Championship, where they will face the OUA East Champion McGill Redmen.
In what was a surprisingly lopsided series against the #1 Mustangs, the ‘Wolves easily dispatched their rival foes in consecutive games, outscoring Western 9-3 in the series two games. And LU’s brightest star during the matchup, just like the rest of the playoffs, was once again goaltender Alex Dupuis, who earned the victories in both games and now sits a perfect 6-0 in the playoffs since taking over the net for the Wolves back in the first round.
In the decisive series clincher in London on Saturday night, the ‘Wolves came back from behind and scored five unanswered goals to close out the game, beating the Western Mustangs 5-2 to earn the much celebrated sweep and the OUA West Champions moniker.
Dupuis stopped 28 of 30 shots on the night while five different ‘Wolves scored including Ryan McDonald, Dan Speer, Scott Dobben, Shandor Alphonso and Mark Soares – all of which were scored in either the second or third periods.
On Wednesday night, the series opener played out quite differently as the ‘Wolves easily controlled the game all night as Dupuis had yet another fantastic game, tossing aside 34 of the 35 shots he faced as the ‘Wolves easily won 4-1 at the Fort William Gardens to take the early series lead.
Lakehead got goals from defensemen Ryan Baird and Jordan Smith—LU’s leading playoff goal-scorer—while Alphonso potted another and Kris Hogg also tallied as the ‘Wolves and ‘Stangs each had 35 shots.
“The road to the nationals or an OUA championship always seems to go through Western. That’s kind of how you measure yourself and your success,” said coach Scherban earlier on in the week. Thankfully for the ‘Wolves the series turned out to be just peachy. And if they measure themselves based on these recent performances, future aspirations and championship hopes look very fruitful.
With the win at the Gardens, the ‘Wolves stayed undefeated all-time at home in the playoffs against the Mustangs and with the series sweep they improved their overall playoff record against Western to 10-6, having won four of the six playoff series meetings between the two.
Now, too many fans delight the ‘Wolves will not only be the National Championship hosts—and possible victors—but they now to will play and host the provincial title as well, with the ‘Wolves being able to possibly capture both on home ice.
The Fort William Gardens in Thunder Bay will play host to this Saturday’s (March 13) one game OUA Championship final.

A look back in history at some of the sporting world’s wackiest characters

Mike St. Jean
Layout & Design Editor

The 2005 Minnesota Vikings “Love Boat”

Let’s be honest, celebrities and their sexual exploits have been a part of gossip since the beginning of time. Professional athletes, who have become role models to millions, find themselves in the same conversations. Long before we heard about Tiger Woods’ infidelities or the exploits of Wilt Chamberlain, athletes have been using their wealth and fame to woo potential partners.
One incident that still remains somewhat of a shock, however, is the October 6th, 2005 sex party involving 17 Minnesota Vikings players that has come to be known as “The Love Boat scandal.”
The incident took place on Lake Minnetonka, and involved several key members of the Vikings, including Daunte Culpepper, Fred Smoot, Mewelde Moore, Pat Williams, Bryant McKinnie, Nate Burleson, Ralph Brown, Troy Williamson, Travis Taylor, Kevin Williams, Jermaine Wiggins, Lance Johnstone, Moe Williams, Ken Irvin, and Willie Offord.
According to reports, two boats containing a total of 90 people were rented for the party and some, but not all, of the players performed sexual acts on prostitutes from Atlanta and Florida who were hired and flown in for the event.
The scandal created an uproar within the NFL and the sporting world, causing Vikings owner Zygi Wilf to go on a profanity-laced tirade in which he threatened to remove all players involved from the team. Then Viking’s coach Mike Tice echoed the comments made by Wilf, but did not endorse the same punishment as his boss.
Culpepper, McKinnie, Smoot and Moe Williams were charged with indecent conduct, disorderly conduct and lewd or lascivious conduct for their part in the scandal. Charges against Culpepper were dropped in April of 2006, while Williams was found guilty of disorderly conduct soon after. Smoot, who was allegedly the “ring-leader” of the group, and McKinnie both pled guilty to disorderly conduct.
The scandal led to a major change in the freedom of Vikings players off the field, as a 77-page Code of Conduct was soon put in place. The team also hired a former FBI agent and NFL investigator to help keep the players in check at all times.
What is worst of all, however, is that an anonymous former Viking claimed that this is not the first time such an incident took place. The claim caused an even bigger uproar and forced the NFL to take liberties to ensure that their players don’t become too “comfortable” when they aren’t playing football.

Women’s cagers knocked from playoffs by Western after grounding Hawks for first playoff win in 11 years

Lyle Morissette
Sports Editor

Despite eventually bowing out in the semi-finals to the Western Mustangs in a tough to swallow 84-58 loss on Saturday night, the ‘Wolves playoff win drought—since 1999—did come to an end earlier in the week when point guard Tasia McKenna and rest of the squad dispatched the visiting Wilfrid Laurier Golden Hawks in a thrilling game.
McKenna scored 26 points in Wednesday night’s 70-64 home victory, and post Lindsay Druery added 12 points and nine rebounds for the Pack. Unfortunately, both were relentlessly hounded Saturday, and were big nonfactors in the scoring department, severely hindering the ‘Wolves attack and chances against a very tough Western team.
“Obviously we’re disappointed in the result of the game,” said head coach Jon Kreiner. “We never really put ourselves in a position to get any rhythm or flow. Western deserves full marks for their execution offensively and they played great defense on Tasia and Lindsay Druery. “
On the bright side of things, seventh-year head coach Jon Kreiner picked up his first postseason victory with the team after having led them to the playoffs in three of the past four seasons. Nearly all members of the team will return next year.